Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Govt to fit GPS on Cows and issue birth & death Certificate

Seeing the agitation in the country due to beef Govt. has decided to take such a step, which would prevent the killing of cows and maintain the communal harmony in the country.  The country has witnessed a lot of trouble and drama such as Dadri lynching, Kerela house raid….

It has become real hard when it comes to protect cows, Govt. admitted. “It has impossible to protect people, how can we protect cows?” they told the reporters as the pressure from so called right wings keeps mounting.

Police said, “We are unable to catch thieves and other criminals… now catch the people who eat beef. We are not even paid up to our expectation. And our workload keeps on increasing”.

Also the political parties taking advantage of such incidents. Some playing minority card, some playing for vote bank. Some state govt. offering money to the victims’ families, which is reducing the state fund. These incidents are causing hatred among the countrymen.

One baba told, “Gomata would not want the dreadful incidents to occur.” 

 In order to prevent all these, the Govt. advisory board came up with a very interesting solution to such problems. And Govt. seems pretty excited.

The advisory board has suggested, they should fix GPS on each cow, so that their movement can be easily tracked. It would be easy to find if any cow goes missing. Last time Sajan Khan’s buffalo had gone missing, he made the police search for it day and night.

Also each cow should be issued a birth and death certificate. That way, the Govt. can keep track of the number of cows in the country. It would also boost the employment in India.  Census for the cows should be done each year unlike human population.

As the winter session of parliament will be starting very soon, the Govt. is going to propose the bill in the house. They are expecting a positive outcome out of it.

After the rumor leaked from some sources, now some outfits have decided to go a step further. It has been heard that they will target fish now. How can there be selling of fish? People should not be allowed at all. We are forgetting our culture. Lord Vishnu had taken Matsya avatar. How dare we show such disrespect? However Bengali people are sad about it.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Mars Attack

I am definitely not talking about the movie.

Mars attack! Yeah… that’s true. This news came recently from secret sources that it is going to happen sooner. The reason is the most precious thing found on Mars. It’s very true. It does not matter, whoever did what mission to find. The news is out and now every country is getting prepared.

India and Pakistan are ahead in the race. As far as India is concerned, most of the rivers are polluted, even the Ganges. People are not getting water to drink. The government has already started planning; it will be shifting a part of population to Mars, especially the people of Delhi. As the Current CM of Delhi had already stared the agitation against the corruption going on because of the water on Mars.

The Minister of Water Resources told cripoters that, they might plan for a water pipeline by 2020.  The leader of opposition accused the ruling party of engulfing a lot of money if the project starts. And other leaders of major parties joined in this drama. And the parliament session was adjourned.

Hardick Patel is now demanding quota for Patels on Mars.

Bollywood has shown a lot of interest on Mars, from now on the actors will go for a shoot there.

Pakistan started rethinking on attacking Kashmir. It does not want to lose the opportunity this time and act before it is late. It has already begun its terrorist activities on Mars, which of course was not detected by any satellite.

ISIS has conducted a flag march indicating that those who are willing for their Mars mission they can join. And a lot of people all over the world have shown interest.

USA said they will attack Mars only if oil is found. ON the other way Russia is all set pointing its missiles to the sky, if anything movable found on the way to Mars, they will hunt it down.