Friday, August 20, 2010

Prime-monster Man-mayhem Sing

‘Hello, Mr. Prime minister.’
‘Who is the prime minister?’ he yelled, the man with turban on his head. He resembled Manmohan Singh, each cell by cell, hair by hair.
‘Sir, yourself sir, Mr. Manmohan Singh.’
Infuriated and he threw his red eyes towards the fellow who had just spoken.
‘Sorry sir, but did I do anything wrong?’
‘Of course, you have,’ he calmed down. Then said, ‘I hate my name. Quite for a long time.’
‘But sir, you have got a very good name.’
‘That’s the problem, the big problem. You see my face? How innocent I look! Don’t I? He looked at the fellow. ‘A turban on my head, these specs, the bunch of beard and my voice. I regret. I am so easy to be looked at? No, no more I am that innocent. Even I have decided to change my name. I will nomenclature myself with a name that suits me best.’
‘And what name you have chosen, sir?’
‘You are the 1st person who is listening to me very carefully and taking interest. I will tell you. What do you say about this name? Prime-monster Man-mayhem Sing.
‘Such a horrible name?’
‘That’s what I want. I am disastrous.  Aren’t I? You see, what I have been doing all these years. I, truly have the justification to bear that name.’
‘What are you saying sir?’
‘Let me explain. I got this post from the blessings of a Magdalena and see, because of her favor I am the 3rd longest monitoring (serving) monster.
I was provided with a bunch of monsters who work under me and as I am the head of the herd, I am the Prime-monster. We rule the country of 120 crore of people, 2nd largest population on this planet. You can gauge how monstrously we have to act to keep them under our anarchy monarchy of monstrosity.
On the Independence Day I had gone so wild that while addressing the population I had to refer some written papers even to say the first line that our country became independent on so and so date. This time in the half an hour speech, I gave the countrymen the details of what our ministry of monsters have done for the nation. You know I cannot remember what the little things we do in this big country.
Do you think I have a brain? The truth is I don’t have. That’s why I hide my head under the turban so that people cannot see it.  And I don’t even need it. I have mentioned there is a Magdalena behind me. Without her nod of appreciation nothing happens. I sing what she whispers in my ear.
We are not hanging that Ajmal Kasab and instead we are spending millions of Indian currency for his treatment. We have made him the most celebrated prisoner of India. What to know why? Tell me how can a monster kill another monster? If so then who will kill man? Have you ever seen us wasting this bulk amount of revenue on an Indian citizen?
We are glorified by our heinous acts like price rise that in the country like India where a big percentage of people are poor. We are not much affected by it but the people. Let them suffer; we don’t really have to bother about that. They will shout till there is a sore in the throat and then shut up. The common man is affected by it a lot, I heard. It entered in my right ear and went away through the left ear.
Few days back the Honorable Supreme Court suggested distributing the food grain among the poor for free instead of getting rotten. Supreme Court is one of the generous and powerful personalities. My heart melted and I called Sarad Pawar.
I told him, ‘For last 3 to 4 days the media is tossing the issue of rotten food grain and showing the videos regarding it. They are spoiled due to rain and it shows our irresponsibility. Did not you watch the news or TV at your home is screwed?  You wear specs, the power must have changed and you could not see. Why don’t you change the lenses?’
 ‘Don’t worry, sir. I have handled the situation. I have told in the media that nothing such has occurred. And you see my cleverness I have dismissed a few officers in this case. It is just a matter of few hundred crores of tons of food grains.’ Pawar said casually. He knows neither he nor I are going to be hungry in future. The poor people of India will face it.
I had to take the pain of visiting Kashmir and I addressed people there. But the speech was not effective. And none of my monsters have least idea about why that is happening. They are hurling stones and wow they have become monstrous. But the fact is that I don’t want any monsters that are danger to me. The CRPF fired students died, people died. I had offered them jobs as bribe as an economist I could only do that. The answers to the stones were bullets. The Magdalena had not told me what to do in this case.
Luckily the Kashmiris don’t fight with ak47 like the Maoists otherwise what would have happened is beyond imagination. Some part of Kashmir is drowned and some other part is getting buried in stone. Huh…
In Dantewada the Maoist massacre has created a sensation but we can’t do anything in the case. Chidambaram sent the CRPF to be slaughtered by them so that they can keep quite for a few days. I hope they are happy after drinking blood. If needed then we are ready to send more of them for annihilation to satisfy the. The good thing for us is that the CRPFs don’t go under a strike that they will not work.
They are monsters, we are monsters. You see they don’t kill us, we don’t kill them. Let it go on.
Have you found any minister monster dead in a train accident; it is the people who die.
This Kalmadi calamity, I have formed a group of secretaries to look into the matter. He ate a lot of money. Common wealth money. As that is common wealth he has the right to make some amount his personal. It is just a matter of few thousand crores of rupees and we must claim our share. How can he single handedly eat all of them, some of us must have helped him. We devour the money all that comes from the countrymen. And India is ready to host Olympic Games, it was already announced. If it happens then we get a lot more to put in our stomach.
Long live monsters and long live the monstrosity and long live my dynasty.
I am Prime-monster Man-mayhem Sing. ‘

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